Otir’s posterous

So, in the beginning, I wrote in English pretty much the same as I would have done it in French, developing ideas, producing analysis, adding words to words and thoughts to thoughts. It turned out to be an asset in order to write essays in litterature classes, but not useful otherwise.

Then, I went to the United States (I was twenty at the time) and lived a whole summer semester completely immersed on a Californian campus (UCSB) and that's when I realized thinking in English could be so different from thinking in French. I was feeling freer to express in a direct way, without necessarily thinking of all consequences: it was possible to make mistakes, to "take back" some thoughts and reform them.

When I use French, it is as if words had a very different weight. In a way, they are less precise, they are more abstract, so they can bear multiple meanings. English is a more technical language, a language that will describe an action, when French will describe an act, something that is more of a concept, that leaves an inprint, and that you don't go back to so easily: as if "what is said is said, too late, you can't delete it!".

English syntax is more verbal, rather than nominal. Any translator knows that  the ratio between French and English is 1.20, meaning that the translated text in French is likely to be longer than the English original by twenty or more words for a hundred words. Vice versa a text in English will lose twenty percent from the original text in French. Will it lose substance? of course not, but it will definitely go to the point in less words! and sometimes lose what the Americans like to call "charm".

I certainly could go on and on with the topic, but since I am writing it in English I am too aware of the possible attention span of my readers :-) and don't want to lose them on the first question!

Vicki:   You write about raising a son with autism, and two sons, all by yourself.  I couldn't help but think of Penelope Trunk,, also sometimes writes about autistic spectrum issues with her younger son (here's one of those posts)-in between creating a great deal of controversy in the blogosphere in general, and how she deals with it.  What does it mean for you to be open about your son's autism online? Does it help you cope, in a way?

At the same time, I was very urgently feeling the need to educate the French speaking community (autism community) about the fabulous advance the American world had on the questions of education for people with autism and other cognitive and developmental disorders. France was still completely dominated by the idea that autism was a psychiatric condition, probably caused by terrible parenting and only properly dealt with by very pompous psychoanalysts who had a great deal to say about the mysteries of the psyche of those tortured people.

Before Internet, any trend coming from the United States to Europe would have taken something like twenty years to reach out. With the Internet, it started to accelerate the movement. I could not refrain myself from taking part in it, because that's who I am. I guess that I felt very positively about being open, in the sense that it was for a "greater good", that I like sharing, and I truly believe that there is power in communication, in information, in education.

I initially was publishing a great deal under our real names, and soon enough, when Google started to take off, realized that the indexation of the World Wide Web could become detrimental to my family's privacy. That's when I started using nicknames for everyone. I am certainly trying to be as careful as possible as to respect my sons' privacy. However, for me saying that one of them has autism is a little bit like saying that the other one has a fabulous sense for maths, something that I truly value, and that is particular to each of them as a possible asset.

Now, to answer the question whether it helps me cope with autism, I wouldn't say so. I don't feel like I "have to cope", or am coping with. I guess this is my life, and we all have things that are particular circumstances, like I have to "cope with" the fact that I live far away from home, or that I am single, etc. Being open about my personal challenges may be a way to cope with them, or just that it is part of my extraverted personality. I don't always know how to not be open about things that are part of who I am. And having autism in our lives is who we are. 

Vicki:   How do you reconcile your French with your Jewish identity or vice versa?  How do you think American Jews are different than French Jews?  You often quote from Jewish scripture in your blog-is spirituality or religion something you feel strongly about?

American Jews are certainly very very different from French Jews, and the differences are obvious as soon as you start the topic of religion. Because in secular France, the topic of religion is considered as a private matter, where in the United States, it is very common to state what your religious beliefs are in a very casual way. In France, saying that you believe in God, or making reference to religious vocabulary to express yourself can be seen as rude, even offensive: the norm is neutrality and it stems in history, the same way as attitude towards religion in the US stems in its history, of course! Basically, the separation between church and state is considered as no laughing matter in France, especially since the Catholic Church had represented a lot of evil things before it was definitely barred from any form of government, power over people's lives, etc.

The French Jewry has a very ancient history in France (it goes back to at least eleventh century, with Rashi for instance), and it is so different from the history of the American Jewry that goes back to seventeeth century I guess, with a primary small sefardic community that never developed big. The American Jews have certainly been mixed with several waves of  Jewish immigrations, and have a core of Yiddishkeit that is not existing in France: most of the yiddish speakers were decimated during the Shoah. There are attempts to revive the Yiddish culture, but the sephardic community is much more vibrant and active. Also, France has a unique rabbinate that you don't find in the United States (called the Consistoire) which excludes non-orthodox movements and still is the official voice of Judaism in France.

I was raised in a secular environment, went to public school, and educated myself in Judaism with more orthodox friends, mostly with a sephardic culture imported recently (after the fifties). Now that I live in the United States, (and am "affiliated" with the Reform movement, just because this was what was available where I live) I have found it more difficult to see more diversity co-exist within the Jewish world here, and I would love that our children get more open on the multiple aspects of Jewish cultures, life and history than it seems to be tought and passed along.

Vicki:   What attracts you to video blogging?  Do you feel it is more or less important than writing? Would you eventually like to go somewhere with it, or is it a tool to document the lives of your family and friends?

I am not sure I can really improve the amateur quality of my vlogging, because I cannot keep up with the technical aspects of it, and I am always behind when it comes to upgrading and so on, and also because it is time consuming, but I do believe that video will develop greatly, so it is important to keep up with the trend. I see how the young generation (at least my twelve year-old son) is less interested in reading than I was at the same age, when I had no TV (I was already behind technology, because don't let people think I am eighty years old!), and how the visual message can get accross and reach different parts of their attention.

All in all, I think video blogging is a very nice addition to writing, that it should not replace it, nor be "either/or", like there are different kinds of litterature, comic books or school textbooks, etc.

What I learnt is that the connection I make with others through their videos or mine is very different, very broadening, and this is what I like.

Vicki: How do you feel you've changed, if at all, since last year's interview? How has your life changed?

I am entering a time of transitions, transition for my boys who are in their teenage, and transition for myself too, so I like to be aware of the tiny little changes, although they are sometimes so annoying like not being able to see anything anymore without glasses, or dreading the lack of energy when I have to keep up with younger around me.

I still haven't really come to terms with my failed marriage, and that has been something I recently became aware of: this should not be left unchanged, and it's probably high time for me to learn how to let go of the underlying (and toxic) feelings that go with clinging to anger and resentment. However, I always find something more interesting to devote myself to than to myself!

Vicki: You recently wrote on your Posterous, "Do I really need them to read what I wrote? Whom am I writing for in the first place? What am I writing for?" when debating whether to start blogging in English.  Have you been able to answer these questions for yourself? Does blogging in English provide more of a pleasure in being able to reach your friends, or more of a hindrance in expressing yourself?